A letter to my son...

Dear Jason,

It has been five years since I have seen you other than in my dreams. I can not believe that time goes by so fast. I remember that night like it was yesterday. Even though I try not to think about it that often, on days like today I have no choice.

I think back to the time before I knew what had happened and how I was going on with life, laughing and talking with co-workers, eating candy and having fun with the girls, never realizing that you had taken your last breath, never knowing that your sweet wife was fighting for her life. And then came the call. At first I wouldn't believe it, couldn't believe it. This must be some kind of sick joke. There must be a mistake. Not my son. If he was in trouble I would have known. It seemed to me that my connection to my children was so strong. I always thought that if something happened to one of them my own heart would stop. But it isn't true you keep going for the rest, you have to, it is all you can do. They keep you going.

We made the long drive to Nephi so that we could know the truth. Still with the hope that there had been some sort of mistake. But when I saw you I knew the truth. The Spirit filled the room and suddenly I knew that you had the answers, that all the questions that you had were in the process of being answered. I felt your joy. I felt your spirit and I knew that you would be okay, already were. At that moment I found my strength.

It wasn't that much later that I dreamt of you. We were all there waiting for you to come. Waiting and waiting. It seemed like forever. Finally you were there. Every detail about you was so vivid. "I've missed you" I said as I hugged you so tightly. I didn't ever want to let go.

Some day we will meet again. To me it seems like it will be a long, long time. But I know to you it is only a moment and we will all be together again. Our family will be whole. Remember our family picture from the Thanksgiving before you died? I remember telling someone that my family never felt more complete than in the moment that this picture caught. Little did I know that we would never all be together on this earth. But we will be someday.

I love you Jason. I am grateful that I am your mother. Just as all my children, you have taught me so much about life and love and what's important. I know that you are watching out for us, that you are really still with us. But I can not wait for the day when I can hug your neck and whisper, "I've missed you."

Mom